A mother of two girls, mental health therapist, mindfulness teacher, and Yoga Tune Up® teacher, Sarah Harmon is the founder, head teacher, and forever student at The School of MOM. Sarah talks to us about her own healing journey with her personal familial crisis through both the lens of a professional and a witness.
About the author: Interview led by Erin Wen, Tune Up Fitness content writer. Erin works as a Osteopathic Manipulative Therapist (OMT) and movement specialist for over 15 years. She has a background in classical ballet that eventually led her to become a yoga instructor. She is also a certified Yoga Tune Up® instructor and currently offers multiple treatment modalities including osteopathic manipulation, pelvic floor and pregnancy support, and movement trainings and workshops.
Erin Wen: What’s the philosophy behind your life and teachings?
Sarah Harmon: My heart’s work is really the combination of my own personal experience navigating a very dysfunctional and hard relationship with my own mother. We are currently estranged. The School of MOM was born from the intersection of what that family crisis pushed me towards. It was the genesis of my own self. healing work; around learning how to mother myself, integrating mindfulness, compassion, and nervous system healing with my professional work with women and mothers in clinical spaces and as a coach. My offerings revolve around supporting women and mothers in how to mother themselves, in the absence of a presence that is compassionate and attuned.
Erin: How was starting a professional career in mental health while navigating your own family’s mental health crisis?
Sarah: To know mental health is to have experienced it on some level. To know the field is to have experienced it as a client whether you’re supporting someone else or you’re experiencing it yourself. I came out of grad school feeling so prepared but the reality showed me different! Not to mention I was a daughter, so it was really hard for me to separate the therapist hat from the daughter hat at that time.
Around that time too, I decided to pursue a graduate certificate degree in mindfulness studies and through that degree, which really introduced and pushed me to take on my own personal practices of mindfulness and self compassion; that’s actually what gave me the lifeboat to swim in the pool of “oh my gosh, I am kind of lost now.” It was a lot. But I am so grateful for the experience because The School of MOM wouldn’t exist if it hadn’t been for that.
On Mindfulness
Erin: How can you use mindfulness and self compassion tools in your daily life?
Sarah: My definition of mindfulness is present moment awareness with all events and experiences, internal and external, with curiosity, discernment, acceptance and kindness. Said another way: we’re coming into the present moment and we’re being curious and discerning around everything that is happening outside of us, from how you look, how the weather outside is, to what your kid is saying or not and also my internal experience, my feelings, a sensation, a thought, or a pain. Mindfulness invites us to be curious and kind with all of those external and internal factors.
Erin: You talk about the ‘language of our bodies’, could you expand on that?
Sarah: First of all, it is the most important language we can ever learn, yet it is the least taught throughout our whole entire life. We learn foreign languages, we are endlessly schooled in English grammar, but nobody talks to us about the language of our bodies. I do see that changing in some educational systems, which is so encouraging.
Part of learning the language of our bodies, is again learning the skill of mindfulness. Often times, when we are tuning in to the language of our bodies, we can get caught up in the patterning that we have around certain experiences, meaning if you have a pain in your body that you’re trying to be curious about, but your anxiety or your judgment about that pain is so loud, it is going to be hard stay present with it. The practice of mindfulness is really important because it allows us to be with our experience, in its full range, from pleasant to very unpleasant.
On Mindfulness Practices
Erin: What would be your response to those negative feelings or thoughts that might occur from a mindfulness practice? For example if somebody practices an exercise and it brings up more trauma and/or anxiety?
Sarah: We need to be mindful of people’s capacity and their zone of tolerance. If something is really triggering or upsetting, it’s not possible to be present. We would pivot to help the body meet the body with that sensation. For example, if you’re feeling super anxious or angry, slowing down and being still is not recommended because it might not be what your nervous system needs at the moment. You might need to scream or punch something. So, depending on what state your body is in, you need to meet your body with the resources to meet that state and transition to a more grounded and regulated state.
Mindfulness can be contraindicated for somebody who is very shut down or in a stress response. If you feel there is a charge in your body, what can you do to meet that charge? Is it plank pose? Is it running?
Erin: How have Tune Up Fitness tools impacted your work?
Sarah: I was teaching Vinyasa yoga in my late 20’s, I had come from Bikram. I was an athlete that in some ways felt really connected to my body but at the same time very disconnected. I started to have some injuries and went to Bikram because in some way I felt it was ‘safer’ for my body but in retrospect, maybe I was punishing myself a bit! Vinyasa was a more favorable transition but I was still much more in my head. I wasn’t really feeling my body as much.
That’s when I was introduced to Yoga Tune Up® therapy balls. For me and the women who I work with now, the YTU balls are a bridge from disembodied to embodied. They are a bridge that allows us to deepen our awareness of our bodies and our ‘felt sense’ in this world. That has been a big part of my journey, meeting my body with this little tool so that I could actually feel my body more.
Self-Massage and Receiving Massage
Erin: What is the difference for you between self-massage versus receiving massage?
Sarah: I think having a trusted bodyworker and healer is so important because they can help you see, especially from a biomechanical standpoint, some of your compensations and imbalances. They give me some advice on what I should work on. Then, I know I can go do that on my own. I feel they are in the passenger seat in the big picture “Drive” to learn how to tend my body, ultimately I am in the driver seat but they can advise me on what could be helpful.
The secret sauce for me to own my body and self- care in a new way is utilizing Roll Model® balls along with input from a professional bodyworker. If not, I am just rolling around but I might be keeping my body in the same habitual patterns.
Breath Practice
Erin: What are some of your favorite breathing exercises?
Sarah: Rolling on the Coregeous® Ball on my side is number 1, just to create better breathing mechanics. For years teaching yoga without Roll Model balls and trying to teach people a posture and then witnessing what happens when you roll before the pose is so remarkably noticeably different.
I almost can’t do or teach yoga without balls anymore! If you want to walk out of a class breathing better, the most efficient tool is to combine it with myofascial work. As a yoga teacher, after I started teaching with the Roll Model balls, I didn’t have to cue the breath anymore! I could just hear students breathing differently! It’s so great. I don’t have to remind people to take a deep breath, their bodies are naturally capable of doing so! Wow!
Erin: What’s a ‘must’ rollout that you recommend to all women?
Sarah: Rolling out the feet, because it is our foundation for our posture and bodies to connect to ground. There is so much mental health benefit to feeling your feet on the floor. When you roll out your feet your whole system shifts in all physical, mental, and emotional health because it helps you stay in the present moment.
My second choice would be resting with the Coregeous ball on the side just because it is so parasympathetic inducing, you don’t have to do anything but to lay on your side and breathe. My moms are so starved for rest that that feels so accessible.
Sarah shares her wisdom
Erin: Any advice for expecting mothers?
Sarah: I think the most important skill is learning how to mother ourselves mindfully. I truly believe that becoming the ‘go-to’ source and resource for yourself for unconditional acceptance and love is a superpower as a mom. There can be so much unknown and self-criticism that can pop-up during parenthood that being able to be that resource to yourself is truly valuable. Equally important is surrounding yourself with a community that can model that for you.
Erin: What is one of the best ways women can help/support one another?
Sarah: Listening. Listening without responding. Just allowing someone to be in their full experience as a compassionate witness.
Erin: Where’s the line between unsolicited advice and just listening?
Sarah: I call it your post-it people. Be very clear about who is on your list of trusted advisors. As a mom, is it your doctor? Your pediatrician? Your sister? Be really discerning around who you trust when it comes to giving you feedback and advice.
Trust
Erin: Who do you trust?
Sarah: For me right now, I am very clear that the people I trust the most are the people that hold space and encourage me to turn to my body as my wisest guide. I have a spiritual mentor right now. I have a few close business friends who are also moms who give me direct feedback because I ask for it and I trust them. Jill Miller will always be a mentor from a physiological stand point and the Yoga Tune Up® balls have changed both my life and every woman who joins the School of MOM community; they each get a set of balls and a Coregeous ball when they join! And mother nature is one of my biggest guides right now, being outside, being still and listening. It helps me tune in to the wisdom that is all around us that we’re afraid to listen to or we just don’t slow down long enough to hear.
When it comes to managing stress there is a lot of trial and error, and self- education. Part of that trial and error is tuning into what’s not working. I like to come out the other way and ask myself: “If I wanted to stay stressed, what would I do?” – Sarah Harmon
Emotional Resiliency
Erin: What are some of your tools to handle stress?
Sarah: I do think some level of understanding of our biology, of how and why the body is responding can be really helpful. Education about dysregulation, basic understanding of your nervous system and understanding stress physiology can be helpful and important. Knowing that your way of working, managing, and healing your stress is YOUR way.
I think we’re so quick at wanting to get a prescription and outsource our care to other people, and while it is helpful to have advisors, at the end of the day, the only person that really knows what will work for your body is you. There is a tricky dance between getting support and tuning into your own wisdom. When it comes to managing stress there is a lot of trial and error, and self- education. Part of that trial and error is tuning into what’s not working. I like to come out the other way and ask myself: “If I wanted to stay stressed, what would I do?” That actually helps me more than what should I add. Personally, moving and getting outside are my go to’s.
Erin: How can we transform ancestral trauma?
Sarah: The first part is the intention behind it. There can be a lot of heaviness around “I have to heal this generational trauma,” and with that, it can feel heavy, it can feel like a burden, and can build resentment towards our ancestors. Zooming out for a second to really honor your position in your lineage at this moment in time, we have more education, support, and resources available to us to deepen our consciousness and actually make pretty significant strides in doing some healing work. When I zoom out and tune into that, I actually have a lot of gratitude and grace for my ancestors because I know they didn’t have that and they did their best.
I then step into some pride and ownership and acknowledge that I get to do this now. When you shift how you feel in your body with your nervous system, everybody benefits. So when it comes to generational healing work, I believe it is so important to zoom out and find ownership with it, rather than obligation. Or else, it can backfire on you.
You might not be ready for the change and that’s ok too. You do whatever you can, even just learning a little about it is progress. Education about dysregulation is so important, the epigenetics of it, knowing that you existed in your grandparents and that these patterns of being, thinking, and feeling, they move through generations. And is it not only through our genetics but also through our condition.
I speak about the ‘mother matrix’, I feel that it offers a more inviting perspective and hand into the world that we are all in this programming and I get to decide if I want to stay in this matrix or if I want to extract myself and step into a new one. Really understanding the bigger picture of it can be so deeply personal and impersonal. Deeply personal because I am living it and I know so many other women are living it as well.
Setting Boundaries
Erin: How can women practice intentional boundaries?
Sarah: Our bodies are always communicating with us and very often, we’re not trained to see these messages as boundary flags. When I did my viral primal scream, it brought up the conversation about anger. I spent a good amount of time talking about how anger is your body communicating that there is a boundary being crossed somewhere.
Our emotions have information and to have intentional boundaries, we need to see the signs that our body is sending us via sensations, mental and physical illness, and emotions. See them as messengers that a boundary has been crossed. Rest is needed. Nourishment is needed. Learning the language of your body and trusting that it is the one that knows where your limits are. We just need to give ourselves a lot of grace, space, and time to learn that language.
Erin: Can you give us a piece of advice/tip for people in similar fields?
Sarah: As a young teacher and therapist, I fell into the trap of “I just need one more training”. What I would say to anyone who is a teacher, is that the most impactful training you can do for your teaching is to be a student, BE in the work versus learning about the work.
We sometimes avoid or try to shortcut our learning by signing up to cognitively receive the information and what is most important is to be in the experience yourself. To practice mindfulness and not only to learn about mindfulness. In School of MOM, I always say I am a forever student. To be a teacher you need to first and foremost be a student. To really own that, the crutch of doing one more training is to avoid doing the work yourself.
Our emotions have information and to have intentional boundaries, we need to see the signs that our body is sending us via sensations, mental and physical illness, and emotions. See them as messengers that a boundary has been crossed. – Sarah Harmon
Erin: What do you want the world to know?
Sarah: I want the world to know that we are all seeking, whether we know it or not, unconditional love, acceptance, belonging, and being witnessed. The more that we can do that for ourselves, the more we can do that for each other.
Erin: Do you have any upcoming workshops we should know about?
Sarah: I have a waitlist opening specifically for therapists who are moms called: The flourishing workshop.
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